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Friday, March 10, 2006

[If you don't like gross-outs, read no further]

So last night I was hanging out with my old roommate Chris and pretty much straight out of the blue he said, "The most worthless thing you can know how to do is make balloon animals. I mean, seriously, even in this decadent society that we live in where everything is sort of cool, like - hey, this guy can juggle, that's neat – it's still the most worthless thing you can do."

I asked him if he was at the circus when he came up with this theory, but, either way, it's both funny and true.

On another note, several coworkers and I took a much-needed break from work to tell our favorite poop stories. Here are the highlights:

- Sam's friend wrapped up a piece of his own poop in a box and gave it to his friend for his birthday. He apparently did it early in the day and the opening of presents didn't happen until later at night, so the shitstink was unbelievable. When the kid opened it he said, "What is this...Is this shit?" This didn't happen a long time ago.

- Alan was running at 9 miles an hour on a treadmill in the University Center's fitness center when he farted and shit came out. He had to press the emergency stop button and go to the communal bathroom, where he found a janitor, so he went upstairs to clean up instead. In his words: "I couldn't just go in the bathroom, wipe and leave in from of him."

And my personal favorite:

- Mick was sitting around with his high school swim team telling poop stories when the team started to try to out-fart each other (I guess it seems like a natural step). An oddball guy who had holes in his speedo ripped one and then exclaimed, "I shat!" In Mick's words: "I'll never forget this glistening turd. It was glistening, and he was sitting on a golden towel." When I thought he story couldn't get any better, he went on to recount that the swim coach told the guy to throw the towel and "glistening" turd away. He came back after doing that and apparently a few minutes later a janitor came in and said, "Did one of you guys just throw a turd in the drinking fountain in the men's room?"

You can't write that shit.

[If you don't like gross-outs, you're no fun]

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