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name: Alicia
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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

["God Quietly Phasing Holy Ghost Out of Trinity"]

A.) My left arm tends to fall asleep while I'm at work. This may seem sad immediately to many of you, me being just shy of 22 years young and all, but I didn't really even think about it for weeks. Today, however, it was bothering me because my pointer finger is numb/tingly, and since that's the one that has to travel around the keyboard the most, I decided to look the condition up on the trusty Internet(s). Aside from a couple rambling web MD/listserv-type posts, there was something on Apple's website about it.

First of all, I'm well aware, just like everyone else, that Apple is currently a God-like entity which will probably encounter it's demise sooner or later because, as those pre-pubescent Outsiders would tell us, "Nothing gold can stay." I'm sorry, I digressed and now I don't remember what I was writing about.

That's a lie, I just didn't want to talk anymore about my sore old lady finger. But I will.

2.) As Apple.com so coolly confirmed, I am going to fall apart even sooner than expected. But you know what? I don't really even care. I have almost no fear of my own mortality, to the point it's almost hilarious. I attribute this lack of fear to the fact that I never really had to deal with death at a young age. My mom and dad always told us dying or sick animals "were taken to the farm" and influential family members either remain alive or were dead before I was a twinkle in an eye. All of this has recently come to mind not only because of my numb digit, but because in my creative nonfiction class the teacher prompted us to write about milestones in life, including when you first realized what death really was and meant. Yeah...I don't know if I even know now. I only know that I'm not scared of it, and I am wont to have a chorus of voices in my head singing songs like "Born to be Wild" and telling me that it's better to burn out than to fade away, which brings me to,

Lastly.) There has to be a fucking point where you just decide to give in to being crazy. I mean, I know there are people that are crazy all the time and always have been, but there are also people who go crazy, ranging from pill-popping boxed wine moms with nervous breakdowns to people whose mental disorders just "took longer" to manifest in their personalities. Whatever - in both cases there has to be an earth-shattering moment where they are like, "Oh, all right, I'll rub this shit in my hair." I know I've addressed this before, but this is just a symptom, proof that I am, in fact, well on my way to the state of insanity.

[All hail the queen of slime!]

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