write. type.
Apprendre de Moi

name: Alicia
age: 24
screenname: cryztalina, since 8th grade and going strong
email: randomlifeinprogress@hotmail.com
Momentary Obsessions

book: LOTR - JRR Tolkien
song: "Isala Iciibi" - John Chiti
quote: "Bufi!"
mood: Content
Go immediately

Essential Chicago news source, the Chicagoist
Chris rules the comics world
Chicago Public Radio is produced by gods
Read every day
All u c
All gapers, report to this site
Mimi Smartypants rocks my socks (off)
Rachelle B kicks ass
So does Erin Shea
The Chronic
Gone but not forgotten: Red Line Radio
Wherever the whim takes me, it takes you

Ferdy on films
Funniest Ever
Second funniest ever, from my future city
Everyone feels better after they listen to "The Entertainer"
Why I love Belmont and Clark
One of my favorite songs. You only wish I was joking.
Why the Internet is the worst sometimes
People Who Should Come To The Manor More Often

Rock Star Quality
design (c) maystar designs
Blogtown, USA
Count your own damn life
image (c) maystar designs
Your Voice Provided by
Tuesday, January 31, 2006

[Verrrrry Funny]

I fully understand that in every time period people always think that the world is going down the shitter. I know that during World War II people in Europe and Japan probably really did think the world was coming to an end. But either in an effort to join the "Woe is us"/"Doomsday is coming" tradition or simple to provide some laughs from an otherwise disheartening reality I present to you:

A Bush Administration Reader

1. "Largest. Profit. Ever." (Headline: Chicago Tribune) - Exxon Mobile reports the highest single-year profit ever by any company ever ever, but the company assures "consumers" it hasn't been gouging (Rising heating costs and $3/gallon gas at 10 cents/gallon profit for them) because it didn't make that much more than other companies that have been not gouging.

2. "Mine safety Rules Considered." (Headline: Washington Post) - Because this is the year 1850, and they just haven't thought of that yet.

3. "Alito is Confirmed for Supreme Court in 58-42 Vote." (Headline: New York Times) - Proving once again that no matter how small and shriveled Republicans' balls are, Democrats' balls are still colder.

4. "100th British Soldier Killed in Iraq." (Headline: News.com.au) - A foppish Blair says he is 'deeply saddened' by the news of the 100th death in Iraq, which is especially significant for the country since that is about half of its troops, not counting the naval fleet.

5. "Kraft Slices 8,000 jobs, 20 Factories." (Headline: Chicago Tribune) - But it's okay, because they saved $750 million! Nevermind that they just slashed 393 jobs in Niles, investors "cheered the cuts in after-hours trading, driving Kraft's stock up 70 cents"! Velveeta shells and cheese, woo! Philip Morris cigarettes, woo! Clever headline while describing the complete decimation of hundreds of lives , woo!

6. "Evangelical Branch Out Politically." (Headline: L.A. Times) - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

7. "The Canary Islands, a Great Place to Get Lost." (Headline: L.A. Times) - Sorry, I'm still recovering from that last one.

8. "Off to Pluto At Last." (Headline: TIME magazine) - Actually watching hundreds of billions of dollars shoot off from the earth in a massive stream of smoke. Hell, maybe we're wasting hundreds of billions of dollars on a lost cause that no one is actually sure will result in anything, at least we're not hiding it this time.

9. "I Spy...Does President George W. Bush have the power to allow spying on U.S. citizens?" (Headline: TEEN Newsweek) - We are now going to leave questions like this up to teenagers.

10. "Bush Pushes Health Reform." (Headline: Forbes.com) - Because he hasn't fucked everything else up enough already.

[And the WB frog shuffles off the stage]

Comments: Post a Comment