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I have spent the entirety of this year contemplating and re-contemplating my personality and basically beating the shit out of myself because of how lame I think I am. If I could make over-arching statements that really stick, like that I would still believe when I don't feel this way anymore, I would say right now that I am DONE doing this. No one else gives this much consideration to how they might be affecting other people. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'm a bitch. But you know what? I think about it later, and if I don't apologize there is a fucking reason. Other people don't do this at all. They think about how an upsetting situation affected them. They think about how upset they are with a certain person and then THEY get to have the epiphany when that person apologizes. They never take the guilt, the shame or the general feeling of loserdom. And I'm fucking sick of it. Next time I upset you, perhaps you should look in your hard drive for how many times you and I have been at odds, and then times however much those times affected you by 1,000. Now you have a tiny baby clue about how much every single relationship, friend, sexual, work, whatever, is a two-way fucking street. You don't want me to be upset about something anymore? Perhaps you should look in the mirror for once. I have been doing it all along, and I'm not taking all of this baggage on my own anymore.
[don't worry, guys, I'll change my mind tomorrow and we can pretend this never happened]
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