[Should all aquaintence be forgot and never brought to mind?]
Well, I had the single best New Year's Eve yet. All be it for me that isn't saying really all that much, because I have a history of either completely heinous or very mediocre New Year's eves. But it was definitely fun, and it turned out that being by myself all night (as in, all my very best friends were either in Germany, Michigan, Maine or working) was actually a pretty good situation. I went to parties and got to see all sorts of people I care about, I got to dance and I got to wear this taffeta skirt that I always wanted to but had no place for it.
Yeah, the end of 2004 was awesome. But that isn't saying that I hated 2004 or anything, on the contrary, I thought it was great. I forget how being young means 6 months is like an eternity, and the changes you go through in one year amount to what could be a lifetime of memories. Things change very quickly when you're in college, too, and people you think you'll know forever go in and out so fast. Plus you grow and change all the time to the point that one new year's to another could mean a different you, in a lot of ways. I let go of two or three ideas that I really needed to, and it's freed up so much of my consciousness that 2005 really does feel like a clean slate. I'm not holding on to memories as if they were living and breathing beside me as much, and though I know this kind of change is gradual, I can see the effects of it beginning to show. I've been making important decisions about the direction my life is going without even meaning to, and I think it's fucking fantastic. I threw some notions away, and tucked others neatly away in memory where they can now be more like dear old friends than the drinking buddies that you only see when you're desperately lonely.
That metaphor kicked my ass, for the record. Yessssss.
One of my many cabbies on the last night of the year said to me that he always believed that if you enter the new year with a smile on your face that you'd ultimately be smiling all through it, too. When he said it it sounded hokey, the kind of bad writing you hear on sit-coms when they're trying to be deep. But, thinking about it later, it seems more like something that my mom might have said to me when I was little, so that new year's would make sense or something. Or maybe it just seemed trite when I heard it out loud because its one of those feelings you can never really name or put into words, more like, perhaps, some word that doesn't translate from one language to another. Either way, I didn't really do much thinking, and I'm sure that's why I did end up smiling into this new year.
Even though I know that time isn't linear, and this is just a holiday to give us a marking point as we float along - well, it is nice to enter it happy. I had really nice dinner at a friends and went to parties, and I got to ring in aught 5 on a third floor deck with a gorgeous view of the city's skyline. If New Year's is supposed to be some kind of indication of the climate of my life, then I'll definitely look back on this time with a grin, too.
Some things I've done so far in 2005:
- Watched all three Lord of the Rings (extended editions) in a row with only bathroom breaks - that's 12 hours of goodness right there
- Had a nosebleed
- Woke up with a very good new friend
- Received a gift
- Touched pouring rain
- Slept comfortably
- Said "Aught five"
- Wrote this drivel
I love ya, goddamnit. Holy, hell - 2005!
[We'll drink a draught of kindness yet]