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name: Alicia
age: 24
screenname: cryztalina, since 8th grade and going strong
email: randomlifeinprogress@hotmail.com
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Friday, May 21, 2004

[soft on the inside]

I have been feeling rather discouraged for the past few days. What exactly am I putting out into the world that returns such negative reactions? I need to seriously re-evaluate my daily routines, my rut. Even a garden can look beautiful if you don't know it's completely overrun with grubs and rot.

Don't misunderstand - it's not that I am depressed. No, the weather is nice and I am getting so much accomplished and every day is packed with laughter and friends and intrigue. But there's some sick nagging feeling underneath it all that I'm screwing up royally, that nothing is as bright as it should be, not even black and white but mediocre grays and blues and browns. It's not depressing, it's just confusing.

But you don't want to hear my pointless meandering any more than I want to tell it. I am having a dream about summer, and the colors are brilliant. I am ready for new, bold and shiny days. Tooling around town on my bike, advice booths on the corner of Rush and Chicago, music, grins. It will be good. I know, you're looking forward to it too. It's so close the experience has confused itself in my senses.

Mandy moves out in a week, and Jeff moves in. This should be interesting.

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