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name: Alicia
age: 24
screenname: cryztalina, since 8th grade and going strong
email: randomlifeinprogress@hotmail.com
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Thursday, February 19, 2004

[oh, glorious daytime—who would sacrifice you for a drunken night?]

I identify seasons by their smell. It doesn't matter if it never snows once all winter long, I will know it is winter the moment I step into the crisp, cold air. My eyes can be fooled by the lack of white, and so can my touch. But even as the sun shines brilliantly somewhere far away, it can never filter through the cold to my nose. This supposedly unevolved organ remembers the way that cold feels inside.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to tell you that it doesn't smell like winter today. I did not need to see the clear, clean melted snow puddles, nor did I need to hear that it was 40 degrees out. It smells like spring. And I'm breathing as deep as I ever have.

Because nothing feels better than growth, than regeneration. Nothing smells better than potential. And I've been thinking the raising thermometer, no matter how long it decides to last this time, is as clear as any mirrored reflection of me.

I am not afraid to be a fool for optimism. Every year I'm ready for this, whenever it comes, because I've always forgotten just how wonderful it is. Kind of like when I'm in some kind of pain, and all I can do is wait for it to pass. The moment that pain is gone—it's beyond amazing. You appreciate your healthy body so much more. And that is why I always say,


Feel free to quote me. Because I'm right. Not love, not happiness, not success. Nothing can top the feeling of relief. And maybe on some level, love and happiness are tied directly to relief—like relief from being lonely.

And that's what spring is. It's a relief from so many scarves and hats and clumsy jackets and ties that bind. It's a relief to see the sun up after 5:00. To feel the warmth in the air just a little closer to your skin, just a little closer to the earth. And beyond that, it's that freedom that invites kinetic energy... those swirling subatomic particles that let us know it's time to move it' time to gset going this is your time this is the time to do what you always wanted to.

I never feel so powerful than when the first dripping icicle ruins my hair.

I never feel so young than when I take off one more layer, and dance freely.

I never feel so alive than when I can listen to the water moving again, after a long confinement.

It's the feeling of now, and now is exactly where I want to be.

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