[been on the run...looking out for number one]
i am becoming increasingly aware of how important each moment is. i've always been a advocate for "details make us who we are" yada, but i have never felt this desperate about it. like time is just rushing by and i can hear it wizzing past my ears, and i can smell change in the air and its so kind of scary that i
drink. yes, if you know me, you know that i drink, sometimes, occassionally, all the life. but not to excess. unless you count times when i feel like this, as in times when i have three weeks off school and nothing to remind me of what the point is, what im doing everything for. when all i do is work and play, nothing seems worth getting up for, except for maybe zine guide, but i'm already drinking so much by that point, that im not as much good as i should be.
and thats my predicament. im not as good as i should be. im a little too lazy, a little not good enough, a little annoying in the amount i put myself down. in fact, im even a little annoyed by that. because its exactly my point - instead of doing something im just sitting and lamenting the fact that i am not doing anything. even though i realize its more complicated than that i wonder, is it? or am i just another white chick who takes too much time worrying about her own problems to deal with reality? or am i little of everything, all rolled into everything? is everything all there is, or am i one little part of a great big nothing, that doesn't matter anyway? is that the point i was getting to?
probably not. but have i distracted you?